A Spider's Web

Imagine you had never seen a spider before. You're sitting in a garden and suddenly see this strange looking insect. It moves delicately amongst the leaves of a nearby bush and after a little while you start to see that it leaves something thin and silvery in its wake, like very fine thread as thin as a hair. It glistens in the morning sun and from where you're sitting you can see the grand design. An intricate web. Imagine your surprise and pride for this little insect, who is now crouched in the corner, resting and admiring its work. You wonder how it spins the thread, how it knows what pattern to make, and if it makes others to please its friends or attract a mate.

All of a sudden another insect buzzes by. It stops to admire the web and you wish you also were small enough to pay a visit. But then the insect wants to leave and clumsily twists its legs on the silken strands. It starts thrashing and and beating its wings and tears a hole in the grand design. "Oh you silly bug," you want to say. "How could you ruin all this lovely work?" You turn to tell the insect in the corner that you're so very sorry, but it is calm and watching. It does not get upset that its work has been destroyed. It goes on sitting and waiting. Eventually, the trapped insect is still and you watch the web-builder descend and wrap it up and with dawning comprehension and sickening awareness you sit back on your garden bench and watch a spider eat its meal.

There is no denying that a spider web is a work of art, but its purpose is deadly. And because the spider knows that the web's purpose and goal it does not fret when the web is being destroyed. It does not lament the damage done to all their hard work. It is not even really surprised, because the web is doing its job. Recently, I've rather felt like a spider who realizing her web is being destroyed frantically races around throwing up her arms in the air yelling, "What do I do? What do I do?" It all began with tearing my ACL, which created a huge hole in the carefully laid web of plans. Instead of remembering the purpose of webs, I started panicking that I was losing control and going to have to start all over and that I'd never be able to get things to look quite as nice ever again. I forgot that I cannot be the helpless flailing bug and also be the spider at the same time.

In case you don't appreciate marvelous analogies (and yet are somehow still reading this blog) then here's the facts: I tore my ACL, I was going to have surgery and five days in the hospital in Switzerland, my insurance will not pay for me to do the operation here as it would only be out-patient surgery in the US, so I am coming back to the US for the operation this December/January. This is wonderful in that I will be around for the beginning of the semester activities, I will be able to leave at a less busy part of the school year, and I'll be home where I can have lots of TLC all while celebrating Christmas stateside! :) There's still lots to be sorted and it wasn't in the original plan but I think it's for the best and I am certainly glad that I will very soon get to see lots and lots of people in person!