"I wanted God to need me more than I wanted to need Him." ~Jennifer Rothschild
Last night, I went with my sister to see one of my student's in their highschool play. It was raining and not the light misty kind of drops, but the fat heavy pounding kind of drops that make it hard to see and harder to drive. This drumming rain was backed up by a symphony of crackling lightening and booming thunder as we drove to Sterling. Naturally, right when we pulled into the parking lot the rain was coming down at it's hardest. But, I had prepared for this moment, I was wearing rain boots and I had brought an umbrella. I had very thoughtfully worn a jacket with a hood so that my hair would be able to stay dry. I was ready to dash from my car to the door of the high school.
In the parking lot, my sister and I took a deep breath and then launched ourselves from the car. Immediately, the umbrella turned inside out and we started running through puddles above our ankles. Right where the road met the sidewalk I suddenly, quite unexplainably, started falling. My hands and knees collided with the concrete and I found myself in the mud and water wondering how I had ended up there. I tried to get to my feet and hurry on toward the door but my hands and knees were throbbing from their rub with the concrete. My sister asked me if I was ok and I responded "no!" All I could think was that I just needed to get inside and so I forced myself up and painfully hurried into the school. We got our tickets and then I went to the bathroom to try and clean myself up and assess the damage. I was able to clean off my hands and clothes and I watched the performance a little wetter than I would have liked. I was also able to ignore my painfully scraped knees, which fortunately were not very bloody, but felt a lot worse than they looked. I told myself as I crawled into bed, mercifully dry and warm, as it was not raining buckets when we left the school, that the moral of the story is never run in rain boots!
Today, I was able to go to the True Woman Event at CBC, an all day conference of hearing from some really great speakers. You got to choose the break-out videos you wanted to go to and this morning I went to one on grace given by Jennifer Rothschild and this afternoon I went to one on joy and trials by James MacDonald. Both of them were really great and spoke to me in a lot of ways but I am just going to highlight a little bit here of what I got out of it.
Jennifer Rothschild mentioned the parable of the good Samaritan and how during one Sunday in a small group she was trying to put herself into the story. At that time, she couldn't see how she was the priest or the Levite, and she didn't think she was the Samaritan. That's when it dawned on her that she was the broken man on the side of the road. She realized that as a woman in full-time ministry she was wanting God to need her to do his work instead of remembering that she was the broken one who needed God. That really resonated with me.
James MacDonald was talking about James 1 and how to get joy as we go through trials. In verse 3, the Bible says that "you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." He then told us that the word perseverance comes from two Greek words which mean "remain under." This passage is telling us that we are to remain under the pressure of our trial. That by remaining under the testing we may (as verse 4 says) become perfect and complete, not lacking in anything. He was also talking about how this was so counter-intuitive. As soon as we are put under pressure, we immediately look for the way out, we try to get away. The top three things we do when we don't remain is: we complain about the trial; we run from it; or we fold under the pressure.
As I thought about that message a little bit more during our personal reflection time, I was able to make some connections to my life and to my misadventure in the rain. First, although my time of preparation is not exactly a trial-it is still a lot of pressure. It is something that I can choose to not consider all joy and it is something that can actually rob me of joy! Second, all of the tasks that I have to do seem so overwhelming that often I want to complain about them, run from them, or fold under from the weight of them. My first reaction is to try and escape the pressure. Third, this talk helped me to re-orient my perspective. I need to remember that it is ok to be in a place of pressure because that means God is working on making me perfect and complete. I can consider this time as a time of joy because of the ups and downs and because of the hardships. As Jennifer Rothschild said elsewhere in her talk "It doesn't have to be well with your circumstances, it has to be well with your soul." My perspective should be focused on God and not on the mile-long to-do list.
When I think back upon my mad dash and my painful fall last night, I have to laugh. I thought I was prepared, I thought that it didn't matter that the rain was coming down hard. I thought I was ready for the rain because my boots, my umbrella, and my hood would keep me dry. Despite my best preparations, I still got wet! Circumstances beyond my control worked together in such a way that I got soaked. The umbrella turned inside out. I kissed the ground and was soaked and skinned. My whole focus had been on staying dry, but maybe what I really needed was to embrace the hammering rain drops, to stand under the drumming forces and allow myself to get wet. I complained about the rain, I ran from the rain, and I fell down in the rain. I did not want to see myself as the broken one on the side of the road, I wanted God to need me more than I wanted to need God. So, God literally made me the broken one on the side the road!
I needed that fall and this conference today to remind me that getting wet is not all bad. I needed this experience to remind myself that even the best laid plans go awry. I want to learn to welcome the rain, to consider my storms pure joy, and to remain under them even when it seems impossible. Ultimately, He is the one who allows us the testing of our faith to grow us into perfect sons and daughters! Also, I need to realize that preparation is only a part of the whole entire mission. That does not make it less valuable or more valuable than the whole, it just means that it is a part of the entire journey. My trials do not end upon my arrival in Switzerland nor do my joys begin. I will have trials throughout and I can choose to consider it all joy. I can choose not to complain, not to run and not to fold. The moral of the story is not: never run in rain boots. Instead, it is to expect that the rain will get you soaked and that, with God's help, you can come out high and dry on the other side.
