Pain and Desperation

It all happens in a moment. One minute you're running down the field confident you'll get the ball, and the next you're rolling in the grass wondering if you'll be able to walk. It's not the first time I've found myself downed by an injury in the game of soccer and it probably won't be the last. But my most frequent problem was usually getting the wind knocked out of me because I was always so much smaller than many of my opponents, and that's an injury you can recover from and play on in the same match. I knew lying on the ground on the field in France it was much more serious than that.

The best thing about being on a church weekend away when you get injured is that there are so many people who are willing to help you. So many who are doctors or nurses, so many who are willing to help you walk, get you dinner, or make you comfortable. But, so many who want to know what happened and how are you and does it feel better than it did 5 minutes ago? And I know they all mean well but it's tiring and I don't want to be in the spotlight. I just want to feel better, to be able to tell them it was nothing. "The wind was knocked out of me, but I'm fine now," I'd like to say. I don't want to have to depend on them to walk, to eat, to get around. I don't want to have to ask for someone to help me to do something like tie my shoes. And there I come face to face with the ugliness of pride in my life. I don't want to have to be dependent on other people, I want to be strong on my own. I want to be able to stand on my own two feet and yet, if those people weren't there, I wouldn't be able to move at all.

Being a cripple recently has made me reexamine the injured in the Bible who desperately sought Jesus. It's funny how their pain was linked to their desperation and perhaps even fueled it. But pain can also lead us to anger, despair, or even pride. And if it does make us desperate, does it make us desperate for the right thing?
Consider the example of the paralyzed man who was lowered through the roof so Jesus could heal him (Mark 2:1-12). It was actually his friends who went out of their way to take him to Jesus. And seeing the friends' faith, Jesus forgave the man his sins. Or, the woman who believed that all she had to do was touch Jesus and she would be healed (Luke 8:41-48). She was so desperate to stop her bleeding that she fought her way through the crowd to touch his cloak just because she hoped he could heal her.
Don't you ever wonder why if Jesus had the power to heal everybody, he didn't just heal them? Do you think that perhaps it has to do with our desperation to be near him and our faith that he will heal? And sometimes our injuries and our healing are nothing to do with us. In both of the cases above, Jesus used healing to demonstrate his power to the people who were watching. It's not that he wants us to suffer, or that he withholds his power, but he uses it all for the greatest glory.

And no matter what kind of healing we need, it highlights the fact that we are not invincible, that we cannot survive only on our own. We were meant to live in community with others and in communion with God. So, thank you, Jesus, for reminding that my injury is not about me. Thank you, church friends, who were willing to be Jesus' hands and feet (especially feet) for me at the retreat weekend.