When it rains...

"I wanted God to need me more than I wanted to need Him." ~Jennifer Rothschild

Last night, I went with my sister to see one of my student's in their highschool play. It was raining and not the light misty kind of drops, but the fat heavy pounding kind of drops that make it hard to see and harder to drive. This drumming rain was backed up by a symphony of crackling lightening and booming thunder as we drove to Sterling. Naturally, right when we pulled into the parking lot the rain was coming down at it's hardest. But, I had prepared for this moment, I was wearing rain boots and I had brought an umbrella. I had very thoughtfully worn a jacket with a hood so that my hair would be able to stay dry. I was ready to dash from my car to the door of the high school. 

In the parking lot, my sister and I took a deep breath and then launched ourselves from the car. Immediately, the umbrella turned inside out and we started running through puddles above our ankles. Right where the road met the sidewalk I suddenly, quite unexplainably, started falling. My hands and knees collided with the concrete and I found myself in the mud and water wondering how I had ended up there. I tried to get to my feet and hurry on toward the door but my hands and knees were throbbing from their rub with the concrete. My sister asked me if I was ok and I responded "no!" All I could think was that I just needed to get inside and so I forced myself up and painfully hurried into the school. We got our tickets and then I went to the bathroom to try and clean myself up and assess the damage. I was able to clean off my hands and clothes and I watched the performance a little wetter than I would have liked. I was also able to ignore my painfully scraped knees, which fortunately were not very bloody, but felt a lot worse than they looked.  I told myself as I crawled into bed, mercifully dry and warm, as it was not raining buckets when we left the school, that the moral of the story is never run in rain boots! 

Today, I was able to go to the True Woman Event at CBC, an all day conference of hearing from some really great speakers. You got to choose the break-out videos you wanted to go to and this morning I went to one on grace given by Jennifer Rothschild and this afternoon I went to one on joy and trials by James MacDonald. Both of them were really great and spoke to me in a lot of ways but I am just going to highlight a little bit here of what I got out of it. 

Jennifer Rothschild mentioned the parable of the good Samaritan and how during one Sunday in a small group she was trying to put herself into the story. At that time, she couldn't see how she was the priest or the Levite, and she didn't think she was the Samaritan. That's when it dawned on her that she was the broken man on the side of the road. She realized that as a woman in full-time ministry she was wanting God to need her to do his work instead of remembering that she was the broken one who needed God. That really resonated with me. 

James MacDonald was talking about James 1 and how to get joy as we go through trials. In verse 3, the Bible says that "you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." He then told us that the word perseverance comes from two Greek words which mean "remain under."  This passage is telling us that we are to remain under the pressure of our trial. That by remaining under the testing we may (as verse 4 says) become perfect and complete, not lacking in anything. He was also talking about how this was so counter-intuitive. As soon as we are put under pressure, we immediately look for the way out, we try to get away.  The top three things we do when we don't remain is: we complain about the trial; we run from it; or we fold under the pressure.

As I thought about that message a little bit more during our personal reflection time, I was able to make some connections to my life and to my misadventure in the rain. First, although my time of preparation is not exactly a trial-it is still a lot of pressure. It is something that I can choose to not consider all joy and it is something that can actually rob me of joy! Second, all of the tasks that I have to do seem so overwhelming that often I want to complain about them, run from them, or fold under from the weight of them. My first reaction is to try and escape the pressure. Third, this talk helped me to re-orient my perspective. I need to remember that it is ok to be in a place of pressure because that means God is working on making me perfect and complete. I can consider this time as a time of joy because of the ups and downs and because of the hardships. As Jennifer Rothschild said elsewhere in her talk "It doesn't have to be well with your circumstances, it has to be well with your soul." My perspective should be focused on God and not on the mile-long to-do list. 

When I think back upon my mad dash and my painful fall last night, I have to laugh. I thought I was prepared, I thought that it didn't matter that the rain was coming down hard. I thought I was ready for the rain because my boots, my umbrella, and my hood would keep me dry. Despite my best preparations, I still got wet! Circumstances beyond my control worked together in such a way that I got soaked. The umbrella turned inside out. I kissed the ground and was soaked and skinned. My whole focus had been on staying dry, but maybe what I really needed was to embrace the hammering rain drops, to stand under the drumming forces and allow myself to get wet. I complained about the rain, I ran from the rain, and I fell down in the rain. I did not want to see myself as the broken one on the side of the road, I wanted God to need me more than I wanted to need God. So, God literally made me the broken one on the side the road!

 I needed that fall and this conference today to remind me that getting wet is not all bad. I needed this experience to remind myself that even the best laid plans go awry. I want to learn to welcome the rain, to consider my storms pure joy, and to remain under them even when it seems impossible. Ultimately, He is the one who allows us the testing of our faith to grow us into perfect sons and daughters! Also, I need to realize that preparation is only a part of the whole entire mission. That does not make it less valuable or more valuable than the whole, it just means that it is a part of the entire journey. My trials do not end upon my arrival in Switzerland nor do my joys begin. I will have trials throughout and I can choose to consider it all joy. I can choose not to complain, not to run and not to fold. The moral of the story is not: never run in rain boots. Instead, it is to expect that the rain will get you soaked and that, with God's help, you can come out high and dry on the other side.

Dual Citizenship

I am one of those lucky people who has dual citizenship. I have British citizenship due to my parents and I have American citizenship because I was born in the United States. When I was going to study abroad in England in 2009 I got my British passport. I thought that the UK passport would help me immensely in living in Europe but then I wanted to go to Switzerland. Switzerland, ever in an effort to remain neutral, is not a part of the EU (European Union). This means that even though I am an EU citizen through being a UK citizen, I would still need a residence permit to live in Switzerland for longer than 3 months. When this dilemma first became apparent, the plan was for me to get a work permit. However, after waiting for more details for over a month on that and nothing really moving ahead, we revisited the idea of me getting a student residence permit. This idea made a lot of sense! I would be an international student at the University of Lausanne with the very students my team and I would be trying to engage. Also, I would have to take language classes of some kind, so this was a way to improve my French as well. There were just so many ways where this plan of action made more sense.

So, as of right now, I am in full-steam ahead Switzerland mode with working towards applying to the University of Lausanne to do a 2 year diploma in French as a Foreign Language. All the application materials are due April 30th. This includes transcripts and diplomas from high school and university, a current C.V., a passport sized photo, and 200 Swiss francs (about 210 dollars). This may not seem like all that much compared to the entrance essays that we have to write here in America, but it will definitely be tricky getting all of the things sent to Lausanne by mail before the end of April! I will be working hard toward this end, but would definitely appreciate prayers in this! 

It is very fortunate that I don't need a visa, since then the application deadline would have been February 28th! I am so thankful for God's timing on all of this as proceeding down this course of action has made a lot of other parts of planning become clearer. I cannot help but be reminded that although I am lucky to have dual citizenship, I am also extremely fortunate to have citizenship in heaven. Without Jesus' sacrifice on the cross for me I would still be lost in my sin. Because he died and rose again, the way was made clear for me to become a child of God, with all the responsibilities and rights of being a part of His family.

But our citizenship is in heaven. ~Philippians 3:20

Sugar-free Lent

How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!
~Psalm 119:103

We are now more almost 3 weeks into Lent and I have been meaning for awhile to post about how this year I decided to give up sugar. I'm still eating fruit and drinking milk, but I'm basically not eating any desserts or sugary snacks or drinking any juices or sodas. Lent is supposed to be a time where you give up something in order to focus more on God and all that Christ gave up for you as well as practicing the spiritual discipline of fasting. Going without sugar has definitely been a big challenge for me! From Valentine's Day gifts to the customary Friday donuts in the office, I feel like I have been surrounded by sugar! But each day that I make it through without eating any sugar feels like a victory as sweet as any chocolate bar. It's the taste of having accomplished something difficult, it's the taste of perseverance. Too often we don't challenge ourselves and we look for the easy or lazy way to complete a task. Yet there is a satisfaction that comes from completing something difficult that you ultimately learn more from. Right now, I am still waiting to hear more about if I will be able to go to Lausanne. It is hard for me to be patient, just like it is hard for me to not eat sugar, but I am confident that it will be worth the wait. It will be sweet to look back and see God's perfect timing in all of this!

Rhiannon and Danielle, my Starbucks buddies!

On Friday, I went to Starbucks with my sister and her friend before taking them to school. It's something we do every once in a while, but this was the first time since Lent had started. I'm not much of a coffee drinker and I usually get a hot chocolate. This day, I had to order a sugar-free hot chocolate and from the very first sip I could tell the difference. The imitation sugar just wasn't the same! Of course, I wasn't expecting it to be, but that got me thinking about how many times we settle for things in our lives that are imitations for what's real. We make things, people, and routines our idols in hopes of being happy and fulfilled and are left empty. We settle for the imitation instead of the real thing, the real hope and peace that comes only from God. This was especially hit home for me this past weekend when I participated in a tour with my church group of a Buddhist temple, a Muslim mosque, and a Hindu temple. Everywhere we went it was just so clear how these people have been blinded by the enemy's promises of happiness. They have accepted sugar-free hot chocolate as the real thing, the answer to their thirst. They do not even know that there is a drink that tastes even sweeter and is even more satisfying. They won't know until someone offers them real hot chocolate. 

How can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard ? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?

~Romans 10:14

What is sweeter than fellowship? Chipotle with some of my friends from Mary Washington IV on a recent visit.

At the Foot of the Mountain

Then Moses led the people out of the camp to meet with God, and they stood at the foot of the mountain. ~Exodus 19:17

Over MLK weekend, I went with about 30 students and 8 leaders on a youth group winter retreat to Pennsylvania. We went skiing and snowboarding at Seven Springs Resort for two days and enjoyed some great teaching and fellowship as well. The weather was unseasonably warm and I considered skiing without a jacket on Saturday. I did do one run down the mountain without gloves, goggles, or poles so that I could take pictures while I skied. That was a lot of fun! I also spent quite a bit of time at the bottom waiting in lift lines because the resort was over crowded as a result of it being a holiday weekend. And I spent a good half hour standing almost at the bottom of a slope waiting and watching as ski patrol bundled up a student on a toboggan to take her to ski patrol for a wrist injury.  This was quite an elaborate affair involving one student with a bad tumble, three ski patrol with a toboggan, blanket, and straps to secure the student to the sled, then one cross-country ski adventure to make it to the ski patrol lodge at the far edge of the mountain. The student ended up being okay and made it home in one piece to get a cast for a fractured wrist, and I got to see the inner workings of Seven Springs Ski Patrol without actually being injured myself. 

Ashley going to ski patrol

Waiting in line for the ski lift.

Even though I have been back home now for a few weeks, I still in some ways feel as though I am waiting in line at those lifts. I feel like if I can just inch a little closer, I will get whisked up to the top of the adventure. This is because I still do not have a confirmed placement, but I am getting ever closer to finding out! Two weekends ago I had fund development training over Skype, and this past weekend I was able to talk with some team leaders in Lausanne, Switzerland about the possibility of joining them in their ministry to international students.  I am definitely excited about hearing more and should hopefully know soon! (At which point I will post in detail about the people and place I would be going to.)  

I know right now I am still at the foot of the mountain, but that's where the Israelites were when they received the ten commandments. They waited at the foot of Mount Sinai while Moses went up to talk to God. But, before that happened there were a whole long list of requirements they all had to abide by, such as purifying themselves, not coming close to touching the mountain, and assembling at the right moment. I sometimes think that is how God is supposed to lay out plans for me, with a point A, point B, and point C which will lead to him revealing THE PLAN. God used a lot of theatrics with clouds and smoke and a big loud voice when speaking to Moses in front of the people in Exodus 19. He told Moses that this was so that the people will hear me speaking; with you and will always put their trust in you." And the people were trembling because they were terrified when they heard Moses and God talking!  I don't think that the lesson is that God wants us in a place of fear in order to listen and I don't think the point is that God will reveal THE PLAN with a GPS built in voice telling you to "turn right, ahead." I think it's more that he wants us in a place of waiting and listening and that He can still speak to us, even at the foot of the mountain. 

At the foot of the mountain

Still Waiting...

As of right now, I am still waiting on an update about where I am going to be in Europe. This has continued to be challenging for me, but there are perks!
#1 It's keeping me from stressing about the location because I simply don't know where I'll be!
#2 It's giving me lots of time to pray.
#3 It's reinforcing the fact that God is the one in control, not me, and His timing is perfect.

My doctor showed me this diagram while explaining
that she believed it was my eustachian tube that was
causing the problem.

Yesterday, I went to the doctor's because I have had a ringing in my left ear for over a week. After paying, I sat in the waiting room for a while before being called back. The nurse took my vitals and then sent me back to the waiting room. Finally, I got called back to see the doctor and spent some more time waiting on that horrible crackly paper before she showed up. The doctor came in, looked in my ears and told me they looked fine. She told me that I would have to just wait it out as it may be the result of a viral infection. "Some people find steam, showers, and decongestants to help," she said. Then she gave me a bunch of handouts and said goodbye.

My first reaction was: what a waste of money! I had to pay to find out that I just had to wait it out and hope that it got better. And the ringing is still there which is frustrating as well as annoying.

As I started driving back to work from the doctor's office, I realized how much greater was the Great Physician than my doctor. I don't ever have to pay to have access to Him, because Jesus already paid the price. I never have to wait to talk to God, because I can pray whenever and wherever. My God deals with me in detail and He knows every hair on my head.

So, while I am praying for healing for my ear, I am also realizing that this might not be a random thing. It may be something I have to learn to love...kind of like waiting.

Waiting for a Placement

"I hate wait."

~Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

Inigo Montoya at the top of the Cliffs of Insanity

Application submitted, interview completed, letters sent, I now am waiting to be placed in Europe. Most likely, I will be in French speaking Europe, so either France, Belgium, or Switzerland. I will probably hear by mid-January simply because right now is the holiday season and everyone is in and out on vacations. But I am realizing, once again, just how impatient a person I am. Like Inigo Montoya in The Princess Bride, I hate wait.

In the story, Inigo, an expert swordsman, is left at the tops of the Cliffs of Insanity and given very strict instructions. He is told to wait for the Man in Black to make his way to the top and then Inigo is to kill him so that the Man in Black cannot continue following their party. The Man in Black is in a very precarious position, clinging to the cliff and climbing by hand since the rope has been cut. It will probably take him hours to reach the top, by which time he will be weakened from the climb.  Inigo has no patience for that. "I hate wait," he says. Eventually, he offers to help the Man in Black reach the top of the cliffs so they can begin their fight right away.

Throughout the Bible, there are so many examples of God making people wait. Abraham waited for a son, Joseph spent some waiting years in prison, Joshua waited in the desert, even Esther spends years in beauty treatments, and Israel waited for years for their promised Messiah.  Clearly, waiting is something that God builds into a journey because it is an important step. I think God puts us in certain scenarios to see what we will do with our wait. Will we wait patiently like Joseph, gaining favor and recognition? Or will we be impatient like Abraham, doubting that God has a plan?  

Perhaps, like Inigo, we will even invite our troubles to join us. We rush our time of waiting convinced that if we just start doing something we will end our time of trial. And yet, the Man in Black ends up leaving Inigo unconscious in the dust with Inigo's mission uncompleted. I wonder how many times we miss out on blessings because we are convinced that waited time is wasted time. 

So, despite my impatient nature, I am trying to embrace my time of waiting. I am trying to see it as just another important step on my journey. I am praying for God to reveal to me what He would have me do with my wait.

"For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have we wait for it patiently." ~Romans 8:24-5

The Interview

"...a date which will live in infamy."

~ President Franklin D. Roosevelt

After turning in my application a few days early, (I submitted it on November 26, the Monday after Thanksgiving) I received a date for my interview: December 7th. There was some confusion over setting up the actual time for the interview because of working around my work hours. It was at last settled for 4pm that Friday and I left work early in order to make it home in time. In the event, I was extremely rushed to make it on time and stressed. I made it to my computer and had Skype up by about 4:05 and a couple minutes after that my interview began.

I can't even really remember all the questions that were asked but I remember just being nervous and trying to answer clearly. When an hour and a half later the interview was over, I was emotionally drained. All of the adrenaline that had me keyed up was leaking away leaving me feeling tired and doubtful. I took a hot shower and tried not to overthink my responses, tried not to worry, tried to just wait patiently. Fortunately, the staff coordinators didn't make me wait long. Four hours after the interview, I received an email inviting me to join IV Link staff. I am prospective staff until I am accepted for a placement, attend orientation in June, and raise my support.

In my journal the next day I wrote: It's such an awesome feeling to have a plan for the future, and even if that changes, just knowing that God has really blessed my efforts in pursuing ministry. It was also great to go to choir practice the morning after and be able to tell people what was happening.  My friend also had her interview the same day as me and was accepted on staff too. What an amazing blessing to be able to take this journey together! InterVarsity staff, here we come!